Awkward…

As i get older I find myself being friends with more and more married males but this raises a very intresting and awkward situation.
As a Rule i never talk about a friends SO in anything but a utilitarian manner… ie very nuetral and safe, preferabley not at all.
recently however I have come accross an aquantance how seems quite content to go on and on about how HOT his wife is….. now the reality is she is Hot… but I honestly don’t think he would appreciate the fact that I have looked at his wife in that manner.

This leaves me in a quandary as to how to respond to his statements…. I dare not agree with him… yet I cannot disagree… as a result i am forced to do nothing but smile (nodding not allowed). Yet even as i smile i must be  sure it exhibits no signs of lasciviousness whatsoever.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I have no designs on this man’s wife… but there is a certain unspoken understanding of how men interact re their SO’s that this young man seems bent on having me transgress….. sigh

Friends

“Don’t Follow fren!”

That was a common refrain I heard while growing up. It often referred to not letting your School work suffer because of those who you would hang out with.

But now that one is an adult one has to ask? what is more important your friends or your Job?
That, I have found, is not as clear cut.

The reality is one must find the balance, yet the balance is often elusive and we usually end up swinging from extreme to another (at least I do).

Mek Him Gwaan

The title speaks to a trait i have seen in some women… definitely in my mother and in other women who have been in relationships for prolonged periods of time.

It is the ability to know how to, as my mother says, “Pick your battles”.
As many women will attest to, men are prone to doing stupid things. Some women have the ability, however, to tolerate this “imbecilic” behavior. There are those who are born with a spirit of tolerance and long suffering that makes them predisposed to “putting up with his rubbish”, and there are others that will only learn through experience. This can be a painful process.

Reminded

Today i was reminded why i have chosen not to get married.

Yesterday

Yesterday i spent time with my god Daughter (YE I KNOW, CRAZY!)

And in spite of her screaming in terror at the sight of me i have decided what i want our interactions to center around….

And after that, however,  it ALMOST had me thinking i wanted a child too… but I’ve been down this road before so NOOOOOOOO!

In any case, I know i cant teach anybody anything (as the members of my section can attest to) so I don’t think i will try showing her words or things of the sort…. No, I have decided that We will listen to music… so from now on every time i go there I want to have something different and interesting (AND WHOLESOME) for her to listen to…. and then we can discuss the merits of the various musical pieces…  Well thats just my plan now… we’ll see what actually happens.

can i tell you she is adorable… Here is a catalog of the various expressions she had for me:

* AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Scary MAN!
*Why is no one else running from the scary man?
*Why wont the scary man go away, I am not gonna shake his hand… maybe if i look away… drat! now he has taken to poking me… what have done to deserve this torment

* Ok OK! i will sit in in scary man’s lap, will you shut up about how this “uncle Mark” is great
*What? He has BBerry!? YAY!… now if only he would leave me alone with it… hehehe
*HE GAVE ME THE BERRY! … have to look disinterested while trying to figure out how to pull it apart
*HA found a week spot… hmm this requires effort… they build these good
*What! why did he take it away….hmmmm… ok if i stay in his lap and look adorable maybe hell give me back
*What? another phone? how many phones does the scary man need….. he only has 2 ears
*WO music
*OMG! he thinks he can dance … I am dying with laughter inside….. Silly scary man
* OK scary man not so bad… he’s really silly though

There you have it a summary of my day with my god Daughter… I am convinced i am and will always be the scary man to her… I don’t know why i think i am quite charming…  In any case think she enjoys my ridiculous attempts to dance and she seemed to like certain songs… so i think the future looks good for a musical adventure. Next up Classical and Jazz

BTW! I am teaching her the concept of the term “Big Tune”. It is a phrase that has been belittled but really is a personal stamp of approval given by an individual to verify the quality and musical palatableness of a particular harmonized acoustic. So if you ever hear her shouting out BIG TUNE then you know its the positive influence of “the scary man”.

(hehehe I can imagine her doing that at church LOLOLOL  and then telling her mother and pastor:
“that was my personal stamp of approval verifying the quality and musical palatableness of that particular harmonized acoustic” … I need to teach her to say that as well …. shhhhh dont tell her mother )

The truth as i see it: Why?

I just watched 2 women fighting over a man on facebook… and my first thought is “why aren’t both of them doing this to him?”

Why is it that the guy comes out the unscathed 9 times out of 10 when 9 times out of 10  he is the reason there is a problem?

Today i saw i clip from pink panther the movie where the inspector pointed out that the woman he loved did not know how beautiful she was and he could not tell her this simply because if she knew then she would pick someone else.

Is it a case where some women just do not know their true value?

The thing is, knowing one’s true value does not mean you will get what you want… but it sure does not mean you need to take anything that comes along…….

For a long time I have thought that if I had a child I wanted a daughter… and i thought the most important thing to teach her was that every action has a reaction… but now i am beginning  think the most important thing to teach her is to understand her own self worth… but how do you teach a human being this?

How to be her man; Tip # n

This is a topic i CLEARLY know jack SH(aving cream) about but i wish to share my foolish thoughts…

Topin # n
(Aside: I use ‘n’ instead of a number because n represents a variable. Due to the nature of women the number things one may need to do to keep her happy may change from time to time. At other times it is unknowable (almost) )

What to do when you piss her off.
I, like most men, have a knee jerk reaction when we have done something to upset that significant other, we go out of our way to address that whatever it is that we have done to cause this strife within the relationship. I have found that many of these “emergency” actions we take cannot be maintained  and so we often fall back into a routine that will prob lead to the same thing happening again.
In this  environment, the concept of  “sustainable and visible change” is important. Yes, the knee jerk is inevitable, but one must learn to look long term. Identify the problem and see how you can adjust to accommodate its resolution. Please note, however,  that the key to the “sustainable” part of this equation, is the fact that the change has to be something you can be comfortable with doing…. If not you may chafe.

The visible part is very important as well.  PLEASE NOTE, BEING VISIBLE DOES NOT MEAN SAYING “LOOKING HONEY I PUT BACK THE TOILET SEAT” EVERY TIME YOU PEE. Instead be subtle, it needs to be noticeable,  so that she knows you are making an effort.  Some partners will see this on their own accord… if you are that fortunate, YAY for You. For others… its not so easy. The key to tooting your own horn is not letting people realize you are the one blowing it.

Having said this, I am tempted to say that the visibility part of the equation is more important than the sustainability, but that is a lie. Such a tact will only delay the inevitable. Likewise, to do the opposite will just bring about the end that much sooner.
If it were that easy, being in relationships would be boring. You must learn to do what sometimes seems impossible, i.e. both.

Disagreeing Agreeably

Recently i heard some in an interview saying that to work with ppl one needs to learn to disagree agreeably.

This skill comes with time. There are those who are born with this, but the rest of us have to work at developing it.

I for one am a far way away…

The glass wall

OK this is one of those posts about relationships … and yes its another one of  “those”

Last night, in talk with a friend, I was lamenting the fact that women seem to constantly beat their heads against the glass wall.
It is founded on the premise that women are usual miserable in relationships.
I have yet to meet a human in a relationship that didn’t have something to complain about. I have had many talks with women close to tears in anger or frustration about something “That Man” (or “boy”) has done or continues to do.
For a long time i was in shock… There is NO way that i would stay in a relationship with someone who made me feel that way….. NONE
And yet recently I realized that again it has to do with the nature of women, I was told “the more a woman loves someone the more worked up she is about that person”. Sue me but that is something i only just realized…….U get miserable with someone you love????

<rolls eyes> women!

But here is my thing, pretend men are glass buildings… there are some open spaces to some things you want and somethings you can do without, and there ore other spaces with perfectly transparent glass walls leading to something you want…..
Now, the stereotype I  am creating, after seeing something she wants, will walk straight into the glass wall…. Thats fine she may not have realized… what i dont understand is why oh why would she continue to kick and scream at the wall…. at what point will she realize the screeching only hurts both party’s ears and just MOVE on!

Why stay with anyone who constantly makes you miserable?

Its an interesting delima that has me scratching my head.

Vulnerable

I am here at work @ 6:30 on a sunday morning and listening to John Legend…
and, as he normally does, the words to his songs make me miss being in a relationship… despite myself……

This just might hurt a little

love hurts sometimes when you do it right

dont be afraid of a little bit of pain

pleasure is on the other side.

That line gets me every time…. as if to say all the reasons for your “hiatus” is just a childish fear of the dark, giving a gentle nudge to step into the unknown, live a little because it is worth it.

But then…. the song ends and the monsters return