Awkward…

As i get older I find myself being friends with more and more married males but this raises a very intresting and awkward situation.
As a Rule i never talk about a friends SO in anything but a utilitarian manner… ie very nuetral and safe, preferabley not at all.
recently however I have come accross an aquantance how seems quite content to go on and on about how HOT his wife is….. now the reality is she is Hot… but I honestly don’t think he would appreciate the fact that I have looked at his wife in that manner.

This leaves me in a quandary as to how to respond to his statements…. I dare not agree with him… yet I cannot disagree… as a result i am forced to do nothing but smile (nodding not allowed). Yet even as i smile i must be  sure it exhibits no signs of lasciviousness whatsoever.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I have no designs on this man’s wife… but there is a certain unspoken understanding of how men interact re their SO’s that this young man seems bent on having me transgress….. sigh

Pan practice, a waste of time?

This post is really to vent, i prob wont feel this way tomorrow but until then……
Tonight at practice i kept asking myself  ”Why am i here?”. I wasnt ready, my section wasnt ready and i had no one to blame but myself.

the reality is that it almost makes no sense for me to turn up on a weekday, none! I dont get there early enough to give myself or my section any meaningful practice and yet… and yet…

At the end of practice i was ready to walk out and just leave the band for good ( a fleeting thought). But realy, why stay, whats the point. I am now at a point where i dread my practice days.

Now of course the entire band is seething quietly at the “slow seconds” but i pretty much ignore it…..  why? Because i know i am almost doing the best i can…….. but its that ALMOST that has me so %$#@!!!!!! livid. I give up a huge part of my time for the band. I don’t see how to give more and yet i am still behind. i know the issue now is finding a way to properly use the resource (my time) that i have allocated. Yet in this (thus far) I have failed…… and that hurts… as failure normaly does to any one. 17 practices to go and exams looming around the corner I am at aloss as to how to make things better.

Of course! hind sight, the maliscious bitch that she is, has shown me a plethora of now obvious things i could have done. but i ignore that wining old crone cause she cant help me now.

 

Soooooo what to do….. I don’t know, if i were a crying man i would cry, but i am not, I smile and i laugh and just wait for it to all fall into place or fall apart.

Me…(Right now)

The following statements are accurate for the duration of this post.

• Why am I here? Because i don’t want to be at home
• I am not unhappy, I am just tired
• Lyming…..not so appealing any more, but still kool
• Tired and easily annoyed
• Questions own level of incompetence and acknowledges one is FAR from superman
• Likes getting things done
• Works because it is safer than…….

That Time of Year again…

Yep its that time of year again that i prob would forget if it weren’t for the the constant reminders.

As usual My mood has tended toward being pensive, but with pan and work being as they are, I find wallowing in self pity is difficult. Instead, the dominant emotion is annoyance.

Mek Him Gwaan

The title speaks to a trait i have seen in some women… definitely in my mother and in other women who have been in relationships for prolonged periods of time.

It is the ability to know how to, as my mother says, “Pick your battles”.
As many women will attest to, men are prone to doing stupid things. Some women have the ability, however, to tolerate this “imbecilic” behavior. There are those who are born with a spirit of tolerance and long suffering that makes them predisposed to “putting up with his rubbish”, and there are others that will only learn through experience. This can be a painful process.

**** the world, Dont ask me for ****

There is something alluring about someone who keeps fighting against all odds.

Stressed!

For the pass 2 days i have been telling people that i need a vacation and they have immediatly got the wrong impression.

Where as I do feel quite overwhelmed and stressed at times….. I am not constantly in that state. I am quite OK….

My desire to go on vacation (which really means 2-3 days resting) is to improve my production levels… I am beginning to realize i am approaching my burnout point… where i have difficulty focusing and a desire to take the day off too frequently.

And yet even as i type this I feel that Its a waste of time…. My production levels are falling because i am tired of my current project…. the moment it is over is when i can relax…. taking a vacation while it is still outstanding is a waste of time…. in fact when this project is over I know i wont need to take 2-3 days… work is a relaxing enough place for me…. It is actually almost a place of refuge…. a place dedicated to getting stuff done…. I like it here.

So here’s to my “vacation”, that week after my project is done where i can leasurely work on all the other little projects that i have been itching to get cracking on……
To stop “working” (on things i enjoy) really does more harm than help :-/

Can i tell you though, retirement scares the CRAP out of me.

OH, for the record,  I am not a work-a-holic… I am quite lazy. I work only when i feel like on things that i want to work on…… A real Work-a-holic works for the sake of working…. not I.

The truth as i see it: Why?

I just watched 2 women fighting over a man on facebook… and my first thought is “why aren’t both of them doing this to him?”

Why is it that the guy comes out the unscathed 9 times out of 10 when 9 times out of 10  he is the reason there is a problem?

Today i saw i clip from pink panther the movie where the inspector pointed out that the woman he loved did not know how beautiful she was and he could not tell her this simply because if she knew then she would pick someone else.

Is it a case where some women just do not know their true value?

The thing is, knowing one’s true value does not mean you will get what you want… but it sure does not mean you need to take anything that comes along…….

For a long time I have thought that if I had a child I wanted a daughter… and i thought the most important thing to teach her was that every action has a reaction… but now i am beginning  think the most important thing to teach her is to understand her own self worth… but how do you teach a human being this?

what women want?

Women want a man who needs them but isn’t needy – unknown

An intersting Quote

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen