Christmas Concert 2k9 – Committee Chair

I was supposed to write this the night after the concert and as a result of my procrastination i have forgotten much of what i wanted to stay.

From the get go this concert was a shaky thing in my head, I knew it was possible but i thought it would be difficult. In the meeting that started the committee i said a lot of rubbish as well as somethings I now regret. It was in this mindless paroxysm of verbal diarrhea I ended up chairing the concert….

So after such a crazy start the team gets together and starts putting the plans in place… again i must say i had my reservations about a number of things… and many times I wondered how the H did we think we were gonna pull this off, but amazingly it was the members of the team that kept me going.

Now i have to say HUGE, HUGE thanks to Bianca Rory and Raisha…. I felt like i was at the helm of a team that didnt really need me…. these are all people who are VERY VERY GOOD and WAY more experienced at these things than i am…. In fact many times i felt like i was slowing them down (even if work was not getting in the way) . They all made HUGE sacrifices to pull this show off. Not to mention the King himself…. this man is just an amazing visionary… as a technical director and his work on bring the concept to life… i am simply in awe….

Through it all i really felt like i was just a spectator watch people who were perfect in their craft set about doing both what i asked them to do and what I forgot to ask them to do, this concert truly happened in spite of me…. seriously….. I absolutely LOVED working with you guys and can’t wait to do it again… I can only stand in awe and marvel at what you all are able to accomplish.

I would say more but after just writing the section leader post… i tired and i need to get some of JPS work done.

Christmas Concert 2k9 – Section Leader

At this point i feel like i owe my section and the band an apology, but before i get into that.

B…… I cannot thank you enough….. You have taught me SOOOOOOO much re how to dealing with the music and my section… (I know i have been slow in implementing what you have tried to get in my thick skull but….) Trust me… I wish I had learned these things Way before I became section leader, i still am an amateur at this and i think i will eventually get the hang of it but until then……

RAE- Boy!………. Thanks for stepping in to save my section, believe me you were a life raft when I was drowning, (special thinks to Sean aka WB aka WSB as well who put up with me and was there to help every time i called)

As for the apology to my section,to be honest when september came around and I started to see ppl pour in, I was just lost. I had way more ppl than i could manage, and again, in spite of me, my section pulled off the concert, I admit we had room for improvement, but that blame lies on me, these guys worked there asses off.

Roxanne: WOW! talk about a turn around! this girl is just amazing… Her disposition often put ppl off But I will tell you… You can NEVER question her work ethic and stick-to-it-ivness… she is WITHOUT QUESTION my most improved player of the year… and all of this is through her Hard work and diligence. She has surpassed ALL my expectations without question and i am truly glad she is on my section.

Cathryn: LOL! the glue that held the section together, the lighter that inspired us and burned us when necessary. I can say she is, without doubt the leader of this section. Her charm and fiery personality dragged this section to the concert and then some. I KNOW without a doubt I/We could not have done this without her.

Avalon: She came and i chucked her of the deep end and subsequently ignored her for the rest of the semester until time for the concert…. Can i tell you, she never let me down (sigh) I cannot Thank her enough… needless to say my rating for her as musician and as an individual has gone through the roof.

Duran: the seconds Superstar, boy I owe him an apology, I doubted. This man is an awesome player and i fully deserved the cussing i got from his former section leader. Without a doubt he is one of the best players i have seen and i think i did him a disservice. He is one of those people i believe we are all better for knowing.

Rashelle: She came into the band as a new member and to be honest i basically ignored her for the semester, and yet still she stepped up to the plate and not only pulled her weight, made it clear that she was a talented and experienced pan player…. I definitely did her a disservice and I hope to make it up to her next semester.

Tjenieve: Twinny!, at times i despaired at her lack of practice, and because of my constant state of being a Headless chicken I didn’t do much about it. But she stepped up and did what she needed to do. I must acknowledge the sacrifices she made to be at the practices, in spite of it all her desire to play was that much stronger.

Rochelle: LOL! I never see someone able to infuriate me so! Lawd!, and yet in spite of that I enjoyed having her there. There is no question she is a very good pan player and at times i wondered when would she step up her game. But without a doubt she did, I guess in the end I doubted her when i should not have. Without Question she did her part and then some… her bubbly personality kept us going even through the toughest times. I also apologize as there were time i treated her a bit more harshly than others but… she still pulled through, and for that i am grateful.

Chiaka: My Vincy superstar. I had High hopes for her, without a doubt she is a very good pannist. I was Happy when she told me she would be able to make it for the concert, but by then i was so disorganised that i only gave her one song. Yet she committed the HOURS of practice almost every practice, sometimes to only run through her song once, never once complaining and doing her part with a cheerful disposition. Yes i did do her a disservice and for that I apologise. I just hope i can make it up to her next semester.

Stacy: My girl, Rain, sunshine, Sick, Tired, through it all, with everything that was happening around her, a true veteran and stalwart, no question as to her skill and dedication. Nuff said. It was good to have her there. Lets hope we can do it all again

Gillian: How does one be the section leader to someone who you have been taught to fear from the first day you entered the band. Add to that, a skill level that FAR surpasses your own…. The amazing thing, though, is that at no point did she make me feel in any way intimidated. In fact I enjoyed the songs we did together, even though she was CLEARLY light years ahead of me, I still felt like we were in this thing together, her wisdom and guidance seriously helped me survive the concert and i doubt it would have been possible without her. I really do look forward to playing more pan with her.

Thats 10ppl WOW!
I had ten ppl on 4 pans… lets not do this again! I did not fully appreciate the size of the section until we took the group picture (check facebook). Amazing! I mean when i say I truly love you guys and you all make me proud to be a seconds player and humbled to be your section leader.

Re my apologies to the band, I know that often times the seconds held back progress and again i must say it is as a result of my constant state of headlessness. I am grateful for all your help suggestions and patience.

PS! I need to mention Aleiya and Krystle for stepping in to help with my section when i was helplessly lost as well.

Pan practice, a waste of time?

This post is really to vent, i prob wont feel this way tomorrow but until then……
Tonight at practice i kept asking myself  ”Why am i here?”. I wasnt ready, my section wasnt ready and i had no one to blame but myself.

the reality is that it almost makes no sense for me to turn up on a weekday, none! I dont get there early enough to give myself or my section any meaningful practice and yet… and yet…

At the end of practice i was ready to walk out and just leave the band for good ( a fleeting thought). But realy, why stay, whats the point. I am now at a point where i dread my practice days.

Now of course the entire band is seething quietly at the “slow seconds” but i pretty much ignore it…..  why? Because i know i am almost doing the best i can…….. but its that ALMOST that has me so %$#@!!!!!! livid. I give up a huge part of my time for the band. I don’t see how to give more and yet i am still behind. i know the issue now is finding a way to properly use the resource (my time) that i have allocated. Yet in this (thus far) I have failed…… and that hurts… as failure normaly does to any one. 17 practices to go and exams looming around the corner I am at aloss as to how to make things better.

Of course! hind sight, the maliscious bitch that she is, has shown me a plethora of now obvious things i could have done. but i ignore that wining old crone cause she cant help me now.

 

Soooooo what to do….. I don’t know, if i were a crying man i would cry, but i am not, I smile and i laugh and just wait for it to all fall into place or fall apart.

hmmmm

This is my first Post post lyme, but i just dont have the energy to write about it, I’ll just say I survived it, people said they enjoyed it.
There were times i SWORE i was never gonna go to another lyme again. But you know what. I cant wait for next year, and i want to head the committee this time.
Already I am trying to get feedback as to what went wrong. In my estimation, this year’s lyme was ‘OK’ not great nor crapy, just OK.
Loads of work and tiring… I have to admit, however, that all in all i enjoyed myself

But next year! Next year i want it bigger and better, I finally got a glimpse of just how “interesting” it can get (thanks Rae). I realized that i approached the lyme as just a weekend to play games…. But alas it has potential to be sooo much more. I hope next year that i can raise the bar……

Let the creative juices flow.

Foot in mouth desease

So last night i had a severe bout of “Foot In Mouth Disease”.
The entire experience was somewhat surreal as i seemed to have and out of body experience watching my body being  racked from this most imbecilic of illnesses.
Of course the outcome, of any such illness, leaves one in a not so redolent assemblage  of feculence.

In spite of  this I am excited, provided I do not have a relapse, I do believe that this endeavor may prove to be quite fun.

Beat Pan!

Last Night Did HYPE. I have not had such a playout in tooo long…

I did mash-up and bun-out at the the end with nothing left in me…. I wish every perfiormance was like that

 

(can you guess i had fun)

The Rae outlined some of the problems with the playout and inspite of that I would Do it all again…. 
In any case let me state my views on some of these issues:

1.> Charging 1 hour for a playout we stay for 4 hours…..
sol.> If we have to stay to the end of a function charge them for duration… if we can leave right after playing then charge for the time we play.

2.> No food?
 sol.> Band should provide food for members (if needs be include it in the the fee) have the exec assistant deal with a new responsibility area called “member wellfare at playouts” (MWaP)

3.> No Drink?
sol.> Same as food

OK, Done i with this mundane stuff where was I???….

AH YES! BAD BAD BAD!

BIG UP TO THE BAND!… I honestly know i would not want to play with another set of ppl…. the vibe and pride we have in the quality of what we produce is unmached by any other band in the country. Honestly we need more regional exposure… we are ready for the highest level… even with all our faults. 

PANORIDIM TO DI RERL!

Of course after an event like this I am pumped and ready.  Did i say it was hype?

So we start of with the Roll it medly…. U know Jamaicans love that song on an irrational level….. so the mood was set… Our second set… OMG! A-Minor to Old Tempo to Band from Space…… WOOOOOIIIIIYYYYY! I nearly dead, I could barely walk of the stage… TRUST ME! SWEEEEEET. Its not something I would want to do often… but I LOVED every life draining minute of it.

Now with the lack food and sweet drinks I started feeling sick, almost like i wanted to pass out…. 
I have said this before, soca music has a life of its own, and it is no respector of the proximity of death of its patrons… It will hold you and and not let you go till you drop.
Add to the fact that i am performing on stage….. <sigh> .

When the last set began, I was a done, Finished….  My body was running on auxillary power…. and then music started (having chills as i type)…. 
You know what, i cant describe it… U would have to experience it yourself… all i can say being on stage playing soca infuses one with energy…. it is intoxicating.

 

In any case to sum up the playout, i’d say it was fun… just a tad

Disagreeing Agreeably

Recently i heard some in an interview saying that to work with ppl one needs to learn to disagree agreeably.

This skill comes with time. There are those who are born with this, but the rest of us have to work at developing it.

I for one am a far way away…

Today Into Tonight

Warning! This is a meandering post with no known destination other than to pour as much of what is currently causing turmoil in my head unto the screen.

Today I stayed home and remained in bed from 3am to 5:30pm… Getting up only to use the bathroom or drink tea. I am amazed I was able to do this… more tired than i realized…
In any case i still felt like it was a wasted day… there are so many things piled up for me to do that its ridiculous…..

I find myself in a weird space; thrilled by the challenge and frustrated at the people who expect me to pull it off. I feel guilty every time complain about stuff.. or use it to explain why some things aren’t done… the truth of the matter is I can pull it off… i just am not that focused an individual… so life go……

As i neared then end of practice tonight, my mind left the panyard and reached work… i was getting frustrated with the amount of things i had left to do…. but even more frustrated by the fact that my being successful depended on others and not just me….. sticky
In any case, with my mind having left the panyard my playing got progressively worst, needless to say, my annoyance grew… by the end of practice there was an endless stream of expletives running on Full blast in my head…… Most ppl seemed to have recognized this and gave me wide berth.
I love my pan peeps.

So here i am at work, blogging instead of working… simply because the most important things i have left to do cannot be done in the few hours i can spend here and leaves me too dejected to even start… and so i wait until the weekend…. Except I cant do anything on saturday because <insert stream of expletives> and i cant blame any one but myself…   sigh

Its weird, this jumping between a feeling total desolation and dejection to pure thrill and joy…. rather bipolar-esc of me.
Yet such is my personality, and it is partly why i don’t want humans around me when i am in this frame of mind… i find their sensibilities too fragile when faced with this wild shifting polarity of contradicting emotions and feelings…. sigh

My thoughts Today

Today I got up and was in a pensive mood. My thoughts ranged over a number of topics that concerned my life and at the end of it i felt an overwhelming need to blog….. needless to say, now that i am here the desire/drive is almost gone.. yet i will put some of it down in any case.

Opinion

I was reminded the other day that the problem with the current mode of communications that humans prefer (speech) is painfully inaddiquate, as such some ‘Opions’/'thoughts’ are best kept to ones self.

Leadership & Panoridim

Leading ppl can suck, as panoridim is quick to teach, however as much as i complain and claim that panoridim is one of the most miserable set of ppl i have ever met (i mean that affectionately ), I love them dearly. They are my second family.
As such, even though there are times they make me want to tear my hair out…. I wouldnt trade them for the world.

Mirror

Just the other day i recieved an email that held up a mirror and i did not like what i saw.

A little Knoledge

Have you ever head the term “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing”. Well i suspect that i am living proof of this… I once told my father (i was 17 i think at the time), when he asked me about something i had done that he disapproved off, that i was a teenager and as such hormones and an incorrect sense of selfrigtousness will lead me to do silly things. The truth of that mater was that I knew exactly what i was doing and why i did it….
My only failing as teenmager… and is still with me today.. is that i am a smartass and i believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that i know whats best for me…
The thing is I also know that such a view is silly… but i am iether too stubborn, or dont care enough to do anything about it.

MUSIC

Music is……. my panecea

Bieng a bass……..

A though struck me today……..

Before, when performing on pan (while i was on seconds) I used to be singled out alot as being a good performer…..
This year I was apart of a section that ………

You know what this post was to be about the difference between my time on the seconds section and my time on Bass…..
The difference in expectations and about being apart of an awesome legacy/tradition.

But i wont post it……….