So close yet so far.

Patiently waiting on February 6, 2009.

Abuse

I read a blog tonight of a lady who was abused a few years ago….. she seemed to be past it but she was lamenting her partners reaction when she told him……..

I prob would react the same…

I read her blog and i felt a helpless frustration, and i do not know this woman from adam… i only came across her blog by accident an hour ago… and i cant shake the thought that i want to protect her…

Her Bf’s reaction was the same…. she pointed out that sex for them was never as wild and ruff as it was before…. and while she enjoyed tender moments
there are times she wants it ruff……… in fact i get the impression she prefers it that way more often than not.

Yet i understand her bf’s reaction… ones first instinct it to protect… but clearly thats not what she required….

And so I ask… how is the bf to react… to respond… does he fight his urge to envelope this person he has pledged his heart to… and respect that she has faught this demon and won….. she does not need his ‘help’… at least in this.. or at least not in this way?

What is the appropriate response…. I know that each person is different but…… How do you deal with it? how do you know what to provide in the right amounts for your partner to be happy…… do you pretend like it wasd never said.. do you become more protective?

I ask because i am a guy and i dont know.

For the record my desire to change my behavior would not stem from this person changing in my eyes. You are who you are… and if i am with you then it would be because i love every part of who you are… things in the past are things of the past. You do not suddenly become a new person because of that.
At the same time as a male there is a almort silly urge to protect the one you are with… a personal knight/bodygaurd……
As a result there is a sense of failure to protect the person in your care from such an incident… not matter that you could never have done anything. Add to that, this is a demon that you cannot help fight in any tangible way and My gender is responsible for this…… Its an intresting delima….

Again communication is VITAL..,. and yet we need to make sure that we are speaking in languages we both can hear.

HUNGRY!

So after about a week and a half of the gym i realized i no longer had an appetite… nothing was appealing to me… i had to force myself to eat before going to the gym…. I told my instructor this and he just shrugged and said that happens some times… he said not to worry because when the hunger strikes (and it will) there will be no ignoring it.

Can i tell you it started last weekend… OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DARE NOT miss a meal….. and i need no less then three BIG meals a day OR ELSE.

As most of you know I am excedingly miserable when hungry so you can understand when i get rather cranky wen i wake up and at around lunch time….

This is ridiculous….. i have benn hungry before but now-a-days if i wait too long My stomach starts to hurt .. like a b*tch….. I suspect just signs of my body digesting itself if no food is present.

All these changes are fascinating but it has me scared.. if (for whatever reason) i have no access to food I am screwed… So now (more than ever) I have plan ahead to survive my day……..And in all this i have to be sure to eat only healthy food… HA!… we’ll see about that.

Men!

Recently i was talking to an number of friends who i thought understood men well… and i was shocked at their ignorance.

Let me start by pointing out that the saying “Men are simple” is LIE from the depths of hell.

Men are complex… and where as some things are universal such as things of a sexual nature and food…. our other needs are complex and varied.

What the trick is to identify what these other incidentals are…. Easier said than done i know.

Pleasing a man goes beyond giving good head…. also don’t assume what would satisfy you would satisfy him….. This is why communicating with your man is imperative… but then that is near impossible as some men don’t talk……

For that you need time and patience…. men speak loudly… just not with words…… its for you to learn the language … if you are up to the challenge.

Post Baby Neglect?

Recently i had a number of discussions with some friends about how a relationship/marriage changes after a baby.

In many cases the woman/mother becomes totally engrossed with taking care of the baby…. and that is understandable, a baby requires an enormous amount of time and attention.

However, this often means the man is neglected… almost forgotten.

Now most women will immediately react to that statement.. a stiffening of the back.. a raising of an eyebrow.. all in preparation of me going in a direction that will require them to blast me out of the water….. but i am going to go there… simply because it is an issue.

When this loss of attention happens some men are not sure how to deal with it. The reality is most men never grow up… they are truly children at heart till they die and some cannot deal with the loss of attention.
The truth is most will feel a pang that… the more mature ones will be ashamed of… and the more immature ones will not know how to deal with.

Its natural it is human… Yes women… it is possible to be jealous of the attention a child is getting… yes some men are that shallow petty childish and evil creatures… get over it.

I will not try to explain this, as having tried many times I realize that most women have mental block to the concept… but i believe that has to do with genetics.

I believe both have to realize is that this can happen….and determine how to deal with this.

I am not saying the woman should find a way to find time for her man… thats unreasonable.. but men still want that attention. What to do is the question.

For some men this where cheating happens… not that they go out there seeking it… but they fall easy prey to any woman who makes them feel…… special….. The onus here (i believe) is on the man…

He needs to be aware of this reality and gaurd against it… I suspect its why some men throw themselves into their work after children….. Its the only place they may feel appreciated for the work they do… Yes yes I know it sounds petty… but its apart of being human…. flaws… so perfect ppl can just shut up.

At the same time he must not forget that his woman/wife/partner needs him.. at the same time she must realize he needs her… I dont exoect women to be able to show appreciationin all the ways they use to but at the same time do a little… u’d be amazed how far it goes.

I guess this has to do with Trust and expectations….. but that is another blog

Becoming a b*atch

I find now a days I am less and less concerned with people’s feelings when i am not in the mood……. and the weirdest part I find it liberating