He who is without sin….

I hate feeling like i am being judged.

I know I live a less than idea life and i do appreciate when friends and family are upfront and honest.

I find in dealing with those who confide in me, i owe it to them to let them know when i think they are wrong… however I do not believe i should brow beat them for it… As such it annoys me when other people do that to me. They find out about an indiscretion and the “holier than thou” attitude kicks in, constantly berating you for being human.
I guess that what makes me the worse person to get advice from… because I will tell you that while what you are doing is wrong I understand why you do it… I find that, more often than not, i am at the same place in my life… who am i to tell you whats best… I would be a hypocrite…

The problem is everyone on this planet has a purpose.. there are people that need to be brow beaten into the right path.. and there are people who after talking to me will feel justified in continuing along the merry path to hell…

As a result i say to each his or her own. I will endure the brow beating, for while they annoy me they may be saving the some poor soul.. and For those who talk to me I tell them upfront I am no beacon of shining light… At the end of the day all our decisions, Wright or wrong, are our own and only we can be held responsible.

I am

I am content… but it is still easier not to… in fact its almost preferred.

Does this mean i am not happy…. I dont think so.. but i am not so sure anymore………
and just like that my need to leave grows.

Yet i ask myself what is driving this.. am i running away from something, or do i really just want/need to go somewhere far away from everyone and everything i know……….

I am…..on the verge of a major life change?

My thoughts Today

Today I got up and was in a pensive mood. My thoughts ranged over a number of topics that concerned my life and at the end of it i felt an overwhelming need to blog….. needless to say, now that i am here the desire/drive is almost gone.. yet i will put some of it down in any case.

Opinion

I was reminded the other day that the problem with the current mode of communications that humans prefer (speech) is painfully inaddiquate, as such some ‘Opions’/'thoughts’ are best kept to ones self.

Leadership & Panoridim

Leading ppl can suck, as panoridim is quick to teach, however as much as i complain and claim that panoridim is one of the most miserable set of ppl i have ever met (i mean that affectionately ), I love them dearly. They are my second family.
As such, even though there are times they make me want to tear my hair out…. I wouldnt trade them for the world.

Mirror

Just the other day i recieved an email that held up a mirror and i did not like what i saw.

A little Knoledge

Have you ever head the term “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing”. Well i suspect that i am living proof of this… I once told my father (i was 17 i think at the time), when he asked me about something i had done that he disapproved off, that i was a teenager and as such hormones and an incorrect sense of selfrigtousness will lead me to do silly things. The truth of that mater was that I knew exactly what i was doing and why i did it….
My only failing as teenmager… and is still with me today.. is that i am a smartass and i believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that i know whats best for me…
The thing is I also know that such a view is silly… but i am iether too stubborn, or dont care enough to do anything about it.

MUSIC

Music is……. my panecea

Scared

Have you ever made a choice that you weren’t sure was the right one?

Talks

Had a talk with my father this morning in which i outlined my decision re having a family. And his initial reaction mimicked most o my other friends…. but then he stopped.

Its one of the things i love about my parents… their ability to respect my decisions… mind you if they don’t like it they will pray about it… but at the end of the day, they love and support me still.

Yep i i think i love my peeps

Watcher

Yesterday I had an interesting talk with a friend of mine.
In the conversation it was let known what their opinion of me was…..

Apart from being “full of shit” , the concept that stood out to me was that of Not caring…
It was their belief that i don’t care about anything and am more like the watchers in the marvel comics… very detached observers of all that happens around them…
The scary thing about that is i am not sure they are wrong… even scarier is the thought that i don’t think i mind if they are not not.