Slaves to our emotions

Of late i have been wrestling with a new concept… in a sense it ties in with the Wizards First Rule from the Sword Of Truth Series By Terry Goodkind.

We all are slaves to our emotions. How we react/behave/interact with the environment/people around us is directly affected by how we feel at the time. As a result i have been coming to grips with the concept of not blaming people for chemical reactions they cant control……
This is extremely difficult as i too am pushed and pulled in various direction depending on my mood.. and often times peoples moods spark chemical chain reactions in my own head which makes the attempt extremely difficult.

All this ties in with my reluctance to re-enter a relationship… i find that i HATE it when ppl are upset with me…. I mean it REALLY bugs me…. And in my flawless logic the easiest way to avoid that is to avoid being in a relationship (there are other reasons as well but are irrelevant to this blog)….

So here’s to my quest to understand/interact with ppl better.. may I learn what i need to know and practice what i have learned.

In MY Head: Fun and games.

I know i have said this before but i am currently having a discussion with someone that is reminding me of it.
Whether you realize it or not, all human interaction is a mind game. We say and do things in a manner we expect others to receive……… and we do these things sometimes ignoring the fact that we are all masters of the same game.
A perfect example: I went the barber today and he asked how low i want my hair cut… he cut it a bit and then asked me if wanted it lower…….. I was not really satisfied, i wanted it slightly lower but doubted he could get it to the height i wanted, So i told him a wanted a little more off…. He turns around, changes nothing on the shear and just ran the thing over my head and asks again… I of course see this as a confirmation of my first supposition and say its ok… and then I see him do a half smile and i am almost certain he was thinking how people never know what they want…. that tactic probably works on every 9 out of 10 people………

That incident was a perfect reminder to never assume people cant see through the game you try to play….. Although, that is easier said than done.

Which leads me to the point where the true masters of the game are those that are blunt…. for their game is too transparent to be seen

In MY Head: Ready

I am ready to leave panoridim.

Thats not to say i am going to any time soon… but the binding glue that made me feel that i could not go on with it is no longer there. This occurred to me 2 Saturdays ago i was playing and i just stopped because it hit me… I could walk away from panoridim right that moment and not look back………

And just like that my last tie to Jamaica was severed.. where this will lead me I do not know.

In MY Head: Media

The media has began to sicken me. In watching the the democrats nomination process the trivialities over which the Media fought annoyed me no ends…. even BBC was guilty of it. This is why the only news i now pay attention to is the daily show.

In MY Head: Alone

I want to be left alone more and more…. but on my own terms… not on the assumptions others will make…. so i remain silent.

In MY Head: What women want

Following that last post I at first thought that women (more so than men) blind themselves to the hardships of relationships… they go through one and then when it doesnt work  they wait a while and blind themselves to the inevitable and try again… only to get hurt again……..

But listening to those around me i realize that is not necessarily the case.

What women want is a partner, a sidekick, a ying to their yang, a co-pilot, a shipmate.
They are aware (some of them at least) of the problems that occur in a relationship, they realize that the differences between men and women make being miserable almost inevitable….. It is because of this, however, that they want a fighter, someone who will stick with them through the fights and curses and the misunderstandings and the days when the sight of them makes you want to puke. They want some one who will look in the face of insurmountable odds (ie getting married) and hold their hand and jump in the deep end together….. to stick with them through thick and thin in sickness and in health.

That, my friend is my understanding of what women want…… the Question now is; Am i prepared to give that?

In MY Head: Bitter

Over the last 2 months alot  of posts have been buzzing in my head … but its only now that I  finally have time to write some of them.

Bitter

For those of you listen to me talk long enough no that i am currentlyt on an indefinate hiatus from serious relationships as a result of my inability so far to get them to work.
This was to be my time to step back and re-evaluate my priorities, and to determine if ultimately marriage is a step i want to take.
So far that is looking like a definite no.

In my ’soul searching’ however, i realize that my feelings about why marriage and even relationships cant work carry with it strong emotions… I get really worked up every time i think about it… and the more i hear myself the more i sound some what resentful… bitter almost…
But biter at what?… What upsets me so about the difficulties of a relationship?….
I almost feel hurt by the fact that the odds are stacked against a relationship working before it even starts…. I look around me and see friends who are searching for that someone and I almost ask them why… why try why bother…… its almost guaranteed that they will be complaining about that “someone” once they find them………… and it will be more of the same problems……………..

So why even bother?