BB More than just a status symbol

I finaly get it!
After resisting the urge to have a BB to “floss” I now understand its true draw. BB is a social Network/club that the entry fee is a bberry.

Slowly but surely I am becoming addicted to this device, and i find myself on it more often than not.Truly i am seeing the intoxicating draw of the “Always On” phenom and I like it

My co worker just borrowed my charger because she could not afford to miss out on a convo going on on facebook…. much less being unavailable on the bbchat. Sadly I now realize I was wrong to think BB was a device for snobs, Directors and CEO’s. The truth is, it is that and more. In fact It is primerily  a device for the Young Working class members of our society (mostly)… It is we who truly exploit its potential beyond constant access to ones email.

What does this mean for me? I am not addicted enough to buy one for myself, but now more than ever I know i will only be happy with a phone with a qwerty Keyboard and internet access.

My Van and Me… 1 year later

So after scratching my van for the Umpteenth time last week I was Ready beyond a shadow of a doubt to sell it… I was tired. For those of you who don’t know here are the chronicles of the van thus far:

1.  I ended up buying a van that i can barely afford (barely afford is relative… clearly)
2.  Nearly ran over a man who insisted on crossing the road while i was driving… ended up having my side mirror hitting him
3.  Three weeks after getting the van the clutch gives out. Had to wait almost 2 months to get it back
4. Three weeks after getting it back I had an accident with a trailer on Mt. Rosser
5. scratch the van repeatedly on ppls gates (it was much bigger than i was used to)
6.  had near accident on barbican road
7. Span out on one of the corners while going up on Mt. Rosser
8. Had the van Broken into 3 Times (I suspect by the same person… and i have a suspssion he/she checks any night i am there)
9.  Nearly ran off a cliff, ended up scratching the van in the process
10. Last week (thanks to “Pan in A minor”) drove off without thinking and created a great scratch on the side of my van.

I can tell you that there is a part of me that just wants to stop driving all together. <sigh>
But i got up this afternoon and Hopped in MY van and left for work… and it felt good.
After all that has occured… the fact that the van is almost a hazard and a HUGE finincial burden and I know that if I could go bak in time i would not have baught it…. I am glad i have it. She is a sweet vehicle and has never let me down. I  had to give a little prayer of thanks, inspite of me.

So… while i am not overjoyed with the past… I am happy that I am where i am… and i guess in the end that’s what counts.

BTW I now rate my driving at 4 out of 10. Part of the reason i dont get upset at ppl bad driving me, is the fact that i know on any given day i can be absent minded enough to do worse… in fact it has happened. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Why am I here?

I am here because I feel Restless, and down, and like i have, and am, failing to pull my own weight….

Will this help?

Maybe not, but i would feel worse if i didn’t do it.

I see stupid…me

I have posted this repeatedly from time to time over the years and it never gets old.

“Wizards First Rule: People are stupid. The only defense against this is to acknowledge that you too are stupid” – Sword Of Truth book1

In other words, the path to enlightenment is to acknowledge your own frailties.
OK so I’m stupid, now what?

Excuses vs Results

I had almost forgotten, no one wants excuses or reasons, they want results.
This applies to every aspect of life…

“Stop focusing on the problem and start thinking of the solution” – Zed

Deflation

Got Pricked, Didnt’ like it.

Inflation

Still suffering from an inflated sense of self and awaiting the pin.

School

I dont want to go back to school simple because i am lazy. Yet in today’s uncertain climate, masters are a dime a dozen. You can no longer compete with just a Bsc. As a result i must now look to keep myself competitive

I am dragging my feet, gleefully stopping at all the obstacles before me, but the stark reminders of reality wont allow me to rest  (sigh)

Rambling

Interesting when one cant trust your own thoughts and motives. It makes you wonder how do those who suffer from mental illnesses cope… what do you do when you know you are going crazy but cant stop it. It must a terrifying experience.

Yet even as i type this i am reminded of a BBC program where a doctor suffered from a stroke.

She described the morning she had the stroke as the world around her seeming alien. Suffering from hallucinations and having a feeling of slipping away she was able to identify her symptoms and realized she was having a stroke.
The amazing part of her story (i found) was that once she realized/identified what it was that she was experiencing her first thought was “Kool!”. In those minutes while she struggled to get help, she speaks how fascinated she was to see how everything around her was warped/different, in essence a whole new world.
The part of her story that brought tears to my eyes was the point in the interview she broke down. She was describing the trip to the hospital. She was dimly aware Of her surroundings. But within her head she was in place of absolute bliss… and for a time she was fighting to hold on to her body, eventually though she let go… she accepted death, welcomed it, the peace, the release.

When her voice broke, I felt it deep. I know i don’t fully understand what she went through. But how do your recover from giving up on life, when the return was against your will?

I never got to listen to the entire interview, i hope to download it. but it is a wonderful story. At least i think it is.

Mr. Gold

Your greatest enemy is in your own head.

This was the premise on which the movie Revolver was based. Fantastic movie!
It left me querying my own Motives and fears, and low and behold Mr Gold resides in my head too. Even with this realization however, defeating Mr gold is a mammoth task.

Here’s to us all  overcoming our chief nemesis.