A growing wanna be pannist……

Last Thursday i was reminded by my section leader about the importance of giving %100 to the things you are committed to…. this applies to both work and pan.

But I digress….

I have noted an interesting change in my attitude towards pan.
Of late i put my phones away…not wanting any call in to interrupt me during the practice

I Want to Roll Better

I want to play songs better

I hear what the Director is saying

I am willing to try more

I am Less likely to think a mistake was mine

I want Drill songs more (by myself mostly)

Funny how I didn’t want much of this when i started… I look back and its like looking at childhood… no worries, no care beyond getting a tricky run… avoiding anything i thought would be too difficult to get…. now, there is a drive within me to play at a higher level.

I remember when Bernie had just joined the band and I was amazed at his drive to improve his skill… it was alien to me then…. now i think i am beginning to to understand and see it in myself… a small spark.. but there none the less..  and its growing.

Is this what maturing is about?

Fascinated

There are people in this world that fascinate me.
People who’s mind and character compel me to take a closer look. Sometimes, these people become my friends and I am glad, because my life is better for it.

A reminder

This is a Reminder
to those who have forgotten
and to those who may choose to ignore
of who i am

This is a reminder
that I am Tired
a Reminder that i am about myself
A reminder that my time and devotion is to work and pan
that I can be there up to a point and no further
For no other reason than I choose not to…

because I am tired

This is a reminder
that i am not looking or waiting
I am existing, drifting
deliberately………

This is a reminder
that i may not ever stop drifting
for that is my choice made by my head and a tired heart

This is a reminder
that this is best
for me.
At least so I believe whole heartedly and unequivocally.

This is a reminder
of who i am and what I am about.

Words of a player or a wise man?

“Just because you like someone does not mean you should be with them.”

wow

I just occurred to me that i may not be as smart as i think i am……….
Now thats a depressing thought.

The Cheese stands alone

Of late there has been a spate of marriages amongst my male friends…. If they not getting married.. they are starting to talk of settling down.. as if to say the days of their youth are now over and it is time to grow up…….

But like i told my cousin.. I shall fight adulthood to the bitter end………I shall be the one to say, as Barak did, “Not this Time”.

Nay! I shalt not walk down that Isle, for on that path lies an end and a begining….
an End to frivolous eccentricities and a beginning of responsibility
an end to stupidity and a beginning of thought
an end to self indulgence and a beginning of a partnership
an end to reckless abandon and a beginning of steps made together

But no, not I, Not this time, for i shall remain the child.

Typical jamaican Male

A scourge on the planet?… that which give all men a bad name?…….
Again I find Myself thinking like Hope Hubris.

A talk.

Just had a talk with my cousin, another in what is fast becoming a regular ’sunday’ talk where we discuss  whats happening in our lives and to give each other advice. Todays talk however has left me with a headache.
I love my cousin… she has been there for as far back as I can remember… and her frankness has always been just the thing I need to open my eyes to what going on, helping me to see to the flimsy excuses i give myself for the things that i do…..

In any case, this talk has me realizing some things… I need to stop.
She has now convinced me that i need to Migrate at some point in the near future… but she has also made realize that this is something i need to pray about…..
She has shown me how I have started to poison something i love deeply and how i need to stop before it is too late……..
She has also shown me that a need for independence does not neccessitate a fivalous stupidity and that i should strive for balance… not extremes .

All these are things that many friends and family members have been trying to tell me for years…. I don’t know why it hit home today….. sooo I will try…. My track record in the past does make the outlook for this latest attempt seem promising… but if you never try to improve yourself …. you never get better

An intresting comment……

This was taken from Emanicipated’s blog…. I love it

“Through all this clarity you are also clear on the fact that young impressionable youths should be inoculated against the affliction of LOVE until they are 33 and have been exposed to a lesson in patience, trust, your limits and acceptance that you are stupid and foolish in matters of the heart.”

Its easier Not to……

In the beginning of any relationship there are things both parties do that make the world a better place, or makes their heart beat fast… or even just makes their partner feel good.

However, as relationship progresses these things often stop happening, and  I have often wondered why. Why do you loose the vibe to do the ‘little’ things for your partner…. why does become something that it is just easier for you not to do. Why dopes one become complacent…..
I dont know the answer but I know it is human nature…..

Once the momentum is lost however…. you need to work at it… it requires conscious effort and that can be difficult.